From someone's Twitter feed yesterday:
[The journey there]
Am trapped in a car listening to Christopher Cross's greatest hits. Verily this is what Hell must be like.
oh fuck, the sax solo from the theme to that Dudley Moore film. I want to scream
no tweet can convey the full horror of my predicament - still only track seven
shit, a romantic duet
Track 13. Am anxiously going though Good Pub Guide. Please, please let one be near.
This is not good.
I want to die.
Christ, track 19 is an agonising never-ending slow ballad.
AGHHH - its fucking looped back to fucking riding like the fucking wind
"...you've got such a long way to go..."
"Let's stop for lunch here"
[A walk around town]
is now in a New Age shop, with crystals and dolphin music.
Is impressed by a ceramic buddhist toad
I don't think I will be allowed back in a New Age shop again.
I am told there is a time and a place for being a skeptic
Yay, this next place claims to be "haunted"
Now in very earnest museum.
"No, we don't think we have any ghosts".
Point out place next door has one.
No, they don't want to borrow next door's ghost, even it would be good for visitor uptake
Have been told to go and explore 'lovely' herb garden.
Museum assistant looking very concerned
Off to main museum, which closes at 4.30
Looking at torture instruments. I think of Christopher Cross CD
Bookshop or wine bar ultimatum ended up with bookshop. Looking for erotica section.
No erotica section, but found a novelization of 1980s series Minder.
Ooh, pub with view of castle, with a gorgeous sunset. Result
Am now at posh house party, but have been banned from tweeting.
Suffice to say, it is clarse and glarse, and not class and glass. Am smiling.
"Do you like pandas?"
"No, I'm not saying they should be killed off."
Oh, they spotted someone they haven't seen for ages.
"You're a lawyer too? How wonderful."
"Yes, the accent is from Birmingham. Ever been there?"
"Oh, you really should. It has a Selfridges now."
"Oh that is good news. I hear the housing market is up again."
Am becoming a bolshevik with every top up. Dreadfully rude of me.
Ooh. i can overhear a crisis. Where does one buy a 3/4 length coat these days. Am not able to help on this one
"No, I can't recommend a gym in the City "
“you did an overdose last week? how extraordinary."
tried but failed to get last conversation round to DC vs Marvel universes. oh well
"yes, i am from Birmingham. you have good ear for accents, well done."
"yes, just like jasper carrot."
just been told that it is splendid to be a blogger
have been told my grey hair looks distinguished, but sadly no 'just like George Clooney' follow-up. In kitchen
all now mellow, no more houseprice/job/schools/ middleclasscrap. Am now with humans again...
"So fun, we must have you round". Over, out...
[Edited and typos corrected.]
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